I Am

Ahhh, storytelling. I love spinning stories about myself. All. The. Time. Almost every moment, actually. I make up stories about the people around me (the guy who keeps sitting in MY spot at Starbucks (in fact, as I write this…)). I make up stories about how I performed at work, justifying why I prioritized one activity over another, deadlines be damned. I make up stories about past events just to make me feel better (sometimes worse!) depending on the context.  

But I especially make up stories about who I am.  

The one that’s kept me going for decades and one I’ve pinned my identity on is, “I am smart.” I was told this as a kid, so why wouldn’t I believe it? Why wouldn’t I believe that my nearly straight-A report cards as a people-pleasing child would translate to “straight-A” work and outcomes for the rest of my life? Logical, right? Right? 

Regardless of your answer to the above, I still hold on to, “I am smart.” 

Where this becomes my downfall is when my ego ever-so-slightly modifies this statement to, “I am smart-ER.” Whoa! Here’s where the trouble compounds. 

When I take a belief about myself and who I am and turn it into a comparison with others, I not only change the belief about myself and others, I actually create a separation between myself and others. (Can you feel the loneliness creeping in?) 

Try this experiment: 

1.      Write three “I am_____.” statements about yourself. Make sure these are qualities you prefer about yourself, and NOT just descriptive attributes like, “I am female.” “I am 56 years old.”

2.      Ask yourself, “Are these true all the time? Everywhere? Toward everyone? No exception?”

3.      How easily do you turn these statements into a comparison with others? Add an “ER” to each one and see how it lands for you. (Example: “I am smart-ER.”)

4.      Now change the statements and add an “or not” at the end. For example, mine reads, “I am smart, or not.” Read these new statements—don’t argue with yourself, just watch what happens within yourself.

5.      Now take the statements and cross out everything you have after “I am.” Who are you with out that content? What is it like to just let go of that specific description of yourself? 

I found this exercise to be freeing, somehow. For one, it frees me from having to be “smart” all the time. It dissolves the facade I am determined to believe about being smart-ER than everyone else, allowing me to have compassion for myself and others more easily. Hearing just “I am” opens up an awareness and, strangely, a connection with others who themselves are simply “I am.”