Borrowing Confidence
Blame it on this Winter Solstice time of year, a critical day in my biorhythm cycle, the phase of the moon, seasonal affective disorder (unlikely since I live in sunny Florida) or whatever, but I’ve been turning inward lately, less sure of myself, and can feel the pull to the comfort and safety of the dark underside of the bed covers.
I’ve learned this isn’t such a bad thing—winter is the time for reflecting on the past, slowing down, recharging, grieving those we’ve lost, stillness.
In the past I would have succumbed to the warm, dark bedroom and slept off the doldrums and let the Black Dog of depression take me over. As I write in my book:
“It must have been close to noon—I wasn’t quite sure—and I still had my nightgown on. The birds were chirping outside, but a silent pressure in the room surrounded me. An anvil, it weighed on me making me inapt to move. My limbs were frozen in place, disconnected from my mind. They seemed glued to the exhausted bed sheets, sucked by gravity into the spongy mattress.”
But I’ve learned to appreciate the downturn, accept it as part of life, a part of me, and pet the Black Dog of my psyche with gratitude. Gratitude because of what it has taught me and continues to teach me about myself and how to heal.
Today, and over these past few weeks when I have felt stuck and unmotivated, I borrow someone else’s confidence. I bring someone else’s energy, enthusiasm and experience to mind and ask: What would they do? How would they be feeling at this moment? What would be their mindset in this situation?
Specifically, as I’ve made goals and plans for 2023, I’ve embodied the future me, the me I want to be. The confident, self-assured Tracy of my desired future. I feel what that Tracy feels. I take on that feeling of accomplishment for achieving my goals and the satisfaction of having overcome challenges and the place I am in. This, I believe, is my inner teacher and connecting with her has empowered me to look beyond my current funk and think proactively.
If after the distractions of parties and gatherings you’re ready to take stock of your life and move ahead, allow yourself to feel all the feelings you have without fighting or judging them. And to help you move forward into the new year, you might try this:
1. Ask yourself: Who do I want to be this coming year? What do I want to become? What changes do I want to see in myself this time next year? Describe this new you.
2. Think about how this new you feels when doing all the activities of your life. Maybe you want to be more confident—how does that feel? Maybe you want to be more relaxed and at peace—what does that look and feel like for you? Go inside this future you and feel what that’s like. Remember those feelings.
3. The next time you get discouraged or deflated that your life is not going the way you want or you’re seemingly not achieving the goals you set out for yourself, go back to that future self and into those internal feelings of confidence, peace or whatever you want for yourself. Find it there and bring it where you are now. Borrow from it—just long enough for you to get back up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
