Acknowledge the Pain
Doesn't it seem like everyone else has their s@*t together? Everyone else is happy, living their bliss and on the path to true happiness? Who is this "everyone" and how did they figure life out? Maybe more poignant: Why am I so miserable in comparison?
Like many people, I have built my life following other people's lead, watching what others are doing and mimicking their steps. This has only led me to pain and depression, but I still wanted what everyone else seemed to have--happiness and contentment. Okay, maybe not pure bliss, but no one was talking about what their true purpose was, what they were put on this earth to do, and what they were struggling with. No one.
I remember in my teenage years sitting my four sisters down and asking them to talk it out, "Let's have a good old fashion heart to heart, gut spilling, honest talk about what we felt, wanted and weren't getting." Response? Snorts and sneers and looks of "You are crazy weird." Maybe as a teenager that was weird, but can you imagine asking the same of your closest friends and family today? I can hear the eyeballs rolling back in the heads now.
Why do we not want to talk about our deepest desires wants and needs with others? And I'm not even talking about strangers, here. We don't even want to talk about these things with those who know us best and presumably love and care for us. In The Way of Integrity, Martha Beck says that to stay out of misery and confusion we need to tell the truth about how lost we are and that that realization (both quietly to ourselves and outwardly to others) is strangely healing, cathartic and loving. The problem is (drumroll please) our ego thinks it's in charge and has everything figured out. Pffft (That's MY eyes rolling back in my head). So, here's the problem: we can't trust our ego to know what's best for us. The ego wants the status quo, thinks it's protecting us, and only makes decisions based on past experiences, including all our pain, shame and embarrassment. I have plenty of them, so my ego has been holding me back from a lot of things over the years. But that's really not fair. It's not fair to me as a whole person, not fair to me as a creative being, not fair to my true self. Not fair to my future best self. Because if I am just being held back by my past, what kind of future will I have?
We all need to experience uncertainty and step out in vulnerability, in order to grow, thrive and experience our true selves. I recommend taking a quick inventory of where you may feel off track, out of line or distressed about your life.
1. Several times today, step out of what you are immediately doing, take a couple of deep breaths, and listen to what your body (not your mind) is telling you about that particular point in your day. Is there a "closing off" or contracting feeling? Or is it more of an openness and outward celebratory feeling? There could even be a physical pain you feel somewhere. Take note of where you are, what you are doing and what your body is telling you, both physically and emotionally.
2. After a couple of days of this, look at your notes. Do you see any patterns in where you feel more negative? More positive? Do most of your experiences connote negative feelings or just in some areas?
I am betting that after doing the above exercise you notice specific times when you feel a contracting feeling. These are areas where you are operating outside of your true self, maybe reluctantly following the lead of others or simply doing what you are told at the expense of what you know is right for you. Living too long like this (or at all) can be detrimental to living an authentic, fully satisfying life. I challenge you to examine these areas of your life and think about how you might be living outside your true nature or ignoring that small voice inside that actually knows what would keep you in your integrity. What small steps can you take to come back to that integrity--can you stop doing it altogether or do it a different way? If not, maybe there needs to be some serious consideration about the path you are on and where your life is headed.
I am guessing that if we looked around at other people's lives, if we were to ask and get an honest, sincere response, that more people would confess that not all areas of their lives were in alignment with their true self and understand that our outward appearance of "everything is great" is not necessarily so. The key, though, is admitting this to one another and discovering that there is a way to achieve more alignment and peace with our inner voice.
