What’s Your Story?

Nebulous. Cloudy. Indistinct. Fuzzy. Amorphous. Shapeless.

What do you think when you hear those words? Are you eager to come closer and learn more or do you want to distance yourself and slowly walk away?

If you are anything like me, you don’t know what to do with formless ideas, unclear directions, foggy interpretations of a concept. I want nothing to do with it.

When I was little, I used to walk my older sisters to the school bus that stopped at our driveway to The Green House in northeast Iowa. Some days we’d see a morphing shape of white specks hovering in the air around us. The ethereal form would move toward us then away, changing shape in random, blob-like movements. Because my sisters had been reading Nancy Drew mysteries, we concluded the unshapen swarm must be a ghost trying to scare us away from inhabiting its domain. Screaming, we’d run a circuitous route to the road trying to avoid contact with the apparition.

Because our elementary brains didn’t know that gnats swarm to make it easier to find each other and mate, we made up a story that fit into our young minds to keep us safe.

In her book Rising Strong, Brene Brown examines the idea that when we don’t have enough information about something we make up stories about it to protect us and help us make sense of a scary world. “In the absence of data, we will always make up stories. In fact, the need to make up a story, especially when we are hurt, is part of our most primitive survival wiring. Mean making is in our biology, and our default is often to come up with a story that makes sense, feels familiar, and offers us insight into how best to self-protect.” She discusses how this is true when dealing with others in our world, but what about how we make up stories about ourselves?

If you don’t know who you are, what you want, the consequences of succeeding or failing in life, you make up stories about who you are. Much of the time these are false, and you run around trying to avoid parts of yourself you don’t understand or fear examining. Truth.

So, what is your story? And I don’t mean your past history of life on this planet.

Who are you right now? What is the story you are telling yourself about yourself? Where are the truths and fabrications in this story?

Just like any book or movie you’ve ever read or seen, story makes sense of life. If you haven’t watched the film Finding Joe, I highly recommend it as a way of thinking of your life—or any book or movie you know of—as a story with all the elements: setting, characters, plot, conflict, resolution, point of view, theme.

Think of your story as a way of positioning yourself in the world, a way of focusing on what matters, defining your day, week, month, year or entire life.

What is your story now? What do you want it to be?

Every story has certain elements, or it doesn’t make sense and is not compelling. How do you make sense of your story and make you (and those around you) want more, want to be part of it? Think about (or better yet, write it out) the following in terms of your current situation, problem or effort, or broaden it to encompass your entire life purpose.

·    Character—Who are you? What’s your current situation and what do you want? What do you need to live a more fulfilling, purposeful life? (Get deep and real here. Hint: it’s probably NOT the paid for three-car garage home or landing that big corporate job. Maybe it’s just something bigger, different, more exciting, colorful.)

·    Problem—What’s the problem are you dealing with? Or what is the problem of your life? Get specific and define it. (What’s the “Yeah, but…” that’s stopping you from achieving life success? This could also be something you think you lack or can’t have. Maybe it’s a lack of confidence in yourself or other limiting belief.)

·    Guide—Who is helping you win the day and be successful? We need others to reflect truth and help us find our way. Who is or could be your mentor or hero? (You don’t have to travel over the rainbow and find a glamorous good witch. I find truth and guidance through the books I read and discussions I have with others. The point here is to seek help and support.)

·    Plan—How are you going to tackle your problem? Define the journey any way you know how and then START. (Don’t get bogged down in the details! You don’t have to see the entire path. Sometimes you’ll only be able to see the one, next yellow brick in front of you, and that’s okay.)

·    Call to Action—What is your challenge to move? It is often the guide who challenges, and the call is often recurring if we don’t act right away. Are you going to ignore it? Have you been ignoring it? (This is where knowing your story and what you want comes in handy and helps you identify the call. Don’t let naysayers or other people’s agendas trick you into turning around.)

·    Success—What is the win? What will happen if you are successful? Paint a detailed picture: What does it feel, smell, look, taste and sound like? (Sometimes you won’t have the exact picture, but you can know what feeling or opportunity you are looking for.)

·    Failure-- What will happen if you are not successful or don’t even try? What’s at stake if you don’t win? (Sometimes failure is not even trying. Can you live with that? Do the deathbed test and ask yourself: If I don’t do this, will I regret it on my deathbed?)

 When you have clarity on your story and what you want, when you write it out in detail and see it as a story, it is much easier to talk about and engage not only yourself in your personal mission, but others as well.

·    Knowing your story helps you use the right words with others to make things happen.

·    Knowing your story helps to see how everything in your life is connected to your mission or how it might inhibit success.

·    Knowing your story helps you position yourself in the world to allow situations, people and events align with your mission to find you and support you in your journey.

What’s your story and how are you talking about it to yourself and others?