Values Creep

I have a client right now (I’ll call her Rebecca) who has been laid off from her job of 17 years. She has several months to make the transition and outwardly she seems ready, confident in the “nudge” to do something different. Knowing she has some time to find her next gig, she is looking inward to guide her to her next adventure and what might be truly meaningful for her.

This was all good and done. And then she had to go back to work.

This new attitude” of looking at what mattered to her, got to her. It was a new feeling, a new way of being for her, at least at her job.

Before she knew she’d be leaving within the year, she embraced joining new groups at work, networking with colleagues, learning what other divisions in her company did. Now? Not so much.

And it wasn’t, we discovered, that she was disgruntled, resentful, held a chip on her shoulder about being laid off. It was that she wasn’t that person anymore (Had she ever been?). She had inside her a dream and, once we uncovered it, she couldn’t go back to someone else’s.

Sometimes we do things just because we’ve been doing them for so long, even though we’ve lost the meaning, the importance, the connection to our true self.

Rebecca valued being genuine to herself, considering her actions for what was meaningful to her before saying “yes.” She had gotten away from it at work, saying “yes” to things because someone asked her, because it might lead to a promotion, or she could showcase her skills somehow.

But when she looked at her choices in terms of what felt good and true for her, these things fell flat. She realized that she didn’t really want to put her energy into training another division’s team, she really didn’t want to sit in on a co-worker’s presentation, none of which was part of her job or even supported doing her job any better.

But this realization made Rebecca question herself, her motivation, her role at work. It was uncomfortable and disconcerting.

When Rebecca found out she was being laid off and because she had some time to consider her options, she explored a long-suffering dream she had of starting her own business. This felt so right, so genuine, so true to her, that she was a changed person when she stepped back into her job role. The things she said “yes” to before, felt dull and uninteresting. She wanted to continue doing a good job, but she had a shift in how she was showing up.

Rebecca’s value of being genuine to herself had been suppressed for who she thought she should be at her workplace—team player, sharing her expertise, speaking up. These are all good things that might excite a hiring manager, but not so good when your true self is being stifled.

When Rebecca realized she wasn’t living within her values, it all made sense—the unease of saying “no,” the change in what mattered to her at work, the questioning of what she was doing.

Once we discovered this “values creep,” a light bulb went on. Rebecca could still be a valued employee (for however long she remained on the job) and still live within her own personal values. Being genuine to herself didn’t have to compromise her work product. In fact, standing up for and living in her values, in her integrity, might actually lead to better performance and build confidence in others to do the same.

Where might you be experiencing values creep?

Jobs, culture and families can all pressure us (unknowingly even) to live outside our own personal values, causing discontent and unease.

Where do you feel unease? What situations cause an internal push back or resistance? Do the circumstances you find yourself in align with your values?

What are your values anyway? Think about how you truly want to show up in a situation. Who do you want to be at work? At home with your family? As a person on this planet? What’s true to you?

If these things don’t align with what you are faced with, how you are currently living, the situation you find yourself in, the people you are hanging out with, you have a choice to make.

1.  Continue to live in a way that doesn’t serve the real you, and live in discontent.

2.  Stay in the situation but find a way to stay in your integrity, to live within your personal values.

3.  Leave the situation and lean into what matters to you and how you want to live.

Just choices. What are you going to do?