Choices

I was listening to a recorded webinar a few weeks ago when someone commented about how difficult it was to build her business when she has a toddler to take care of. She wasn’t complaining. She wasn’t regretting her work/life choice. But she said, “What do you do when your time isn’t always yours?”

I thought, “Wait a minute. Our time is no one else’s. It IS ours, all of it.”

I remember when my children were young and the blur of life back then. I was exhausted at times, but mostly I was amazed watching these little beings we somehow created grow and explore the world. I admit there were times when I didn’t know who I was or what I was doing, but we had made the conscious choice to build a family; it was what I truly wanted in my life.

But I forgot.

There were moments when I forgot that having a family was what I wanted. I forgot that patience and calm were how I wanted to parent. I forgot that I chose this season of my life, and it was still important to me. At the time I didn’t have a grasp of what my values were and couldn’t anchor into them for stability and centering.

We forget why we are doing things sometimes.

We forget we made a conscious decision to work and raise children at the same time.

We forget that we chose this job because it was stable, reliable, and helps us support our family.

We forget that we chose to dedicate ourselves to our spouse, even during times of her slow decline due to disease or illness.

We forget in the hard moments that we chose to live this way because of our values, because of our desire to commit to something bigger than ourselves.

We forget that even the things we consciously choose for our life are not easy and don’t guarantee contentment and happiness.

I know people who are so “discomfort averse” that they analyze every situation for all risks and pitfalls, finding any reason not to move on and live an abundant, meaningful, satisfying life. That is no way to live.  A fulfilling life takes courage.

So don’t say, “My time is not my own.”  It is. You just have to remember why you are doing what you are doing. Why you chose what you chose.

Of course, there are times when you know you made the wrong decision, stepped outside your integrity and need to back out, make a big change.

In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle says there are only three decisions we have to make in life situations:

1.  Accept it. All of it. Accept the good with the bad, because you can learn from it, because the ends justify the means, because you know it’s just your ego telling you something is wrong.

2.  Change it. Not always possible, but there are so many things in life we can change. We can change the scenery around us. We can change how we take care of ourselves. We can change who we hang out with. We can change careers/jobs.  Not always easy decisions, but there are typically many options for change.

3.  Leave it. If we are not willing to fully accept a situation or make changes to it, we can leave it, remove ourselves from it.

Notice that resist, complain, fight against our current situation are NOT choices above. 

If there is no way to leave a situation, then we must accept it or change it.

If we can’t change a situation, then we must accept it as it is or leave it.

If we just cannot accept what is happening, then we either change it or leave it. Those are the choices if we want to live a peaceful, authentic life.

What I wanted to say to the woman on the webinar was, “That time IS yours. The time with your small children is absolutely yours. It’s what you have now, you chose it willingly, just remember why. Remember the family you are building. Remember the dream of having a family—you are living it right now. Turn and look at it. See the beauty, enjoy the energy, be in the moment you chose. Be there for it fully. Don’t say your time is not your own. Choose to embrace the moment and look to your situation as an opportunity to put boundaries around what you are willing to commit to your family and what you are willing to commit to your business. That is your choice and that is a gift.”

In this moment right now, what are you resisting? What’s “not right” in your world right now? Go ahead, name it.

Let your guard down and see if you are willing to accept the pain, the disgruntlement, the yearning for more, the discomfort, the grief, the pressure, the mundane, the aggravation, the outrage, the brokenness, the loneliness of your life right now. Surrendering to it is not weakness and can actually free you internally of the situation.

If you can’t or aren’t willing to accept it, what can you change about it? What do you want to change? And if you don’t want to, can’t or aren’t willing to change it, then leave it. Remove yourself from the situation.

These are often not easy things to do. Sometimes it’s easier to continue writhing in our pain and unhappiness. Everyone else is, right? Everyone else complains, gripes about their day, the weather, their sore back. Why shouldn’t I? Why shouldn’t I be like everyone else?

Because you don’t have to. Choose not to. Choose to be different and see every moment in your life as an opportunity to live fully.